


You Deserve To Be Loved

by SawyerDay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Love Confessions, M/M, Songwriter Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:57:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SawyerDay/pseuds/SawyerDay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas have been dating for awhile. Cas is in love and he's pretty sure Dean is too, but something doesn't feel right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Deserve To Be Loved

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WinJennster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinJennster/gifts).



> I don't write Cas very often. I think it's because I don't write him well. I wanted to write something where Cas basically forces Dean to see that he can be loved. I'm not sure how this came out, but I'm pretty proud of it. 
> 
> Also, it's a gift for Jenn because of reasons. :)

Cas is angry. No, he’s more than angry. He’s livid. This is the fourth time Dean has bailed on him. He’s starting to think maybe Dean isn’t as into him as he thought. But that can't be true. Everything Dean had done for him says otherwise. As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words".

They have been going on dates for a little over six months. It’s true that Dean has been clear about where he stood on coming out but this is different. It feels different.

“Dean, please don’t do this,” Cas whispers. He holds his phone to his ear waiting for Dean to answer. He doesn’t. He’s sitting in the middle of a restaurant, that Dean picked, feeling humiliated. Even his server is starting to get suspicious. She comes by every few minutes to see if he's ready to order. He knows he’s not coming.

His eyes find the server and he shakes his head and stands to leave. He feels like a wounded animal as he makes his way to the door. He feels like everyone in the damn place is staring at him. Mocking him because they all know that he was stood up. Again.

Cas has always had few friends. Dean came into his life and actually wanted to hang out with him. It wasn't a welcomed change. It took him months to get used to Dean being around. Over time, he came to appreciate the company. Now, Dean wants to get as far away from him as possible. At least it feels that way.

The walk home is short and doesn't make him feel as good as he wanted it to. His apartment is still muggy from the sun shining in his window all day. He walks over to the window and opens it to let the breeze in to help air it out. He stands and stares at the cars driving by for a few moments. Where are those people going? Are they happy? Sad? Are they driving to see a friend or family member? Are they lonely?

He's pulled from his thoughts when he realizes his phone is buzzing in his pocket.

“Hello?” He answers. He hadn’t even bothered to look at the id before picking up. He should have.

 _“Buzz me in,”_ He hears. It’s Dean.

“You’re here?” Cas's heart starts beating faster inside his chest. His house isn't even clean and he’s still pissed off about dinner.

_“Yeah, I’m here. Come on, buzz me in.”_

Cas walks to his door, his finger hovering over the buzzer. He feels like maybe he should make Dean wait. He had sat and waited for him for over an hour in that restaurant. Dean should suffer a little bit. “Why should I?”

_“Cas, please. I’m so sorry. My friggin’ phone died. Once I got enough of a charge, I tried to call the restaurant and they said you had already left. I’m sorry. Please let me in.”_

Cas lets out a sigh and presses the button. He hangs up and rushes around his apartment cleaning up various musical instruments. His couch and table are littered with sheet music and notebooks full of lyrics. Many of the newer compositions about Dean. He pushes stacks and stacks of paper into piles on the counter in his small kitchen. It was as good as it was going to get. He was just finishing fixing his blanket on the couch when there's a knock on the door.

“Hello Dean,” Cas says as he opens the door. He doesn't need to look through the peephole to know it's Dean. No one ever visits. Except his brother, Gabe and he never knocks.

“Cas,” Dean smiles, “I brought dinner.”

Dean holds up a brown paper bag and gives Cas the biggest cheesiest smile Cas has ever seen. He melts a little inside as his eyes sweep over Dean's face. His freckles are more prominent than usual.

Cas steps to the side letting Dean enter his apartment. He had only been to his place once before, but he had never come inside. They shared their first kiss right outside his door. He had spent the rest of that night writing about Dean’s lips and eyes. How perfect and electric his lips felt under his and how stunning green eyes were.

“Thanks,” Cas mutters and closes the door. He turns to face Dean and bumps into him. He’s standing so close Cas can smell his cologne and the mint gum in his mouth. Cas can feel the blush in his cheeks and he almost forgets he's mad.

“Missed you,” Dean says and leans in for a kiss. Cas wants to live in the moment. He wants to kiss Dean back, but he can’t. He can’t deny that Dean hurt him. “s’wrong?”

“You stood me up, Dean. Again.”

“Come on, Cas! I told you. My phone died.” Dean leans away and Cas wants to close the space between them. Truth is he had missed Dean as well, but something isn’t right here. Something is off and Cas can feel it.

“Are you ashamed of me, Dean?” The words are out before he can stop and think about what he's actually asking. Dean takes a step back and stares at Cas for a moment. A number of emotions flash across his face, but none stay long enough for Cas to decipher.

“What? No. No, I’m not ashamed of you, Cas.” He replies. His words sound sincere, but there is something behind his eyes. There is something there, a truth maybe? A secret? Something he wants to say?

“Then why, Dean? Why do you keep doing this to me? I’m not a toy you can just play with when you’re bored. I’m real. I’m a person. I have eyes, and ears. I have lungs and a heart. I have feelings,” Maybe he’s saying too much. Maybe he’s not saying enough. Maybe he just wants to love someone and feel okay about it.

Oh God. He loves him. He’s in love with Dean Winchester. The room is too small and there isn’t enough air. He’s in love with Dean fucking Winchester. It all makes sense now. He's so screwed and he knows it.

“Cas? Are you alright?” Dean’s words are gentle and his hands are up in a defensive manner.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Cas says. His voice is so small and quiet that he doesn't think Dean hears.

He’s in love with Dean. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears and his palms are sweaty. He feels sick and happy. He wants to run a hide and jump over the moon.

“You’re what?” Dean puts his hands down. He looks horrified. He looks like he’s going to turn and run. Makes sense. Dean always runs.

“I’m in love with you, Dean.” This time, he means it. His voice is stronger now. Dean seems to be having some kind of inner dialogue. Being in love isn’t the worst thing in the world. Why is he scared? Why does he look so sad and broken about it?

“Cas, no. You can’t.” Dean’s hands are now on Cas’ face, cradling it like it’s the most precious thing in the world. “I’m not good, Cas. I’m...I’m poison.”

Cas wants to believe him, but he knows better. He knows that this is what Dean does. He remembers the past relationships Dean talked about. He gets close and then he runs away. He tries to force the other person to see all the bad things about him. He shoves it down their throat until they choke on it and let him go.

“Dean,” Cas says and pulls Dean’s hands off of his face. “I love you.”

There's a finality in the statement. Like even if he wanted to take it back, he couldn't. It's there. There is nothing that can change it. The words can't be unsaid and he doesn't want to unsay them.

“I’m bad for you. I’m so bad for you.” It’s almost as if Dean is pleading with Cas to not love him and it makes Cas stare harder. He'll tell him loves him until he's blue in the face. Until he believes it and accepts it. He'll say it until his throat is raw and bleeding and even then, he'll keep on saying it.

“I know that you think that, but I don’t,” Cas says and he means it. Dean is worth being stood up. He's worth the late night calls when he's too drunk to think. He's worth the fights with his mother. He's worth staying up late thinking about lyrics and melodies. He's worth it all.

“I have to go,” Dean says and turns to leave.

Cas grabs him by the arm and turns him back around, disbelief in his eyes. “You can think all the bad things you want about yourself, but that doesn't mean I do. You don’t get to decide how I feel about you. You don’t get to decide you aren’t good enough for me. I get to decide. It’s my choice, Dean. Nothing you say can make me change my mind.”

“Cas...”

“No. All my life my decisions were made for me. I have done everything asked of me since the day I was born. For the first time ever I'm living for me. I'm living. Really living. And you want to tell me that you’re not good enough? That I'm making some kind of mistake? Fuck you.”

“Cas, please. Please try to understand.”

“I will never understand. You are worth it. You are worth everything in my pathetic life and goddammit, I love you.”

“I’m sorry.”

"For what! You haven't done anything! You're just being you. You've done nothing wrong. Stop apologizing to me. You deserve love just like everyone else."

There it is. Dean's body language changes. It's not big and filling the room anymore. He's folding in on himself. Somehow he's getting smaller, shrinking under the weight of Cas's words.

"You don't think you deserve to be loved?"

He doesn't say anything. He just stands there staring at the floor. Has no one told him love is free? Has no one fought for him and made him believe he can be loved?

"Dean, you deserve the world. You deserve everything you could ever want and If I had the power I would give it to you."

Dean looks up then. There's something there. Right behind his eyes. Cas doesn't know what it is, but it's there. He closes the space between them wrapping his arms around the other man. His chin rests on Dean's shoulder. He can feel Dean shaking and it takes him a moment to realize that he's crying.

"Dean?" Cas pulls away just enough to look Dean in the eye.

"I don't. I don't deserve you. I don't." He mumbles. Cas places a hand on Dean's face and wipes his thumb across his cheek wiping the tears away.

"You deserve the sun, the moon, and the stars in the sky. You just have to let yourself be loved."

"You are the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky, Cas."

"Then you deserve me. Let me love you, Dean." It's quiet then. Neither one speaks. They just stand in an awkward embrace and stare. They look at each other so long Cas feels like he can see the universe in Dean's eyes.

"Okay."

Cas smiles and leans in pressing his lips to Dean's. The kiss is hard and so full of emotion. It's like he wants Dean to know everything about him in that one kiss. The kiss deepens and turns into something more sensual and gentle. He's kissing Dean and Dean's kissing him.

There's hands and skin and pressing and pulling. There's need and want. There's fear and love and everything in-between. He feels like he's flying. To where? He doesn't know. But he does know, he's where he wants to be as long as Dean's by his side. And that's enough.


End file.
